Greetings, me fellow cow-pat huggers!
Mel B signing in for first time.
This Project has been something I’ve dreamed of for years: I’ve often thought Archaeology might be something I would like to study formally with Geology – and so far it is living well up to expectations! Doing the site Survey, plotting out the markers in the fields, trying to learn how to recognize – visually and ‘by foot’ – changes and indicators in the ground and landscape, learning about the selection of a ‘base line’ for orientation of the survey map, learning to understand the meaning and practical application of the long-incomprehensible “degrees/ hours, minutes and seconds”, using a protractor for the first time since 1978(fun!), trying to help complete the resulting Survey Map (!!…my contribution of wobbly lines and an arrow pointing the wrong way, is there for eternity, oh dear!), and now…………… the actual “Dig”: actually, everything has far exceeded those expectations: seeing the factors involved that helped influence where the archaeologists dug their first “test trenches”, measuring the turfs and removing them, my first find of a bit of old green glass, so early on (yee-hah!!), sifting soil – both the productive and the devoid of finds, celebrating watching other people’s joy and growth in confidence as they’ve made finds and realized their own (the team member’s) ‘value’, watching a seemingly-random heap of stones become…a random heap of stones!…Or, could it be a house wall, farm shed or barn, kiln…!, the exciting suggestion of a doorway…It’s BRILLIANT!
However, it has been far from an easy ride: I have been diagnosed with Chronic, Complex PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder), which is defined as being the result of having suffered long-term multiple Trauma including all types of Abuse, and said Trauma symptoms either surfacing at a date at some distance in the future from the cause/s, or said Traumatic symptoms going formally unrecognized/ untreated for a long period. The Dig, therefore has been such a double-edged sword; since it began, I have suffering flashbacks and nightmares from the most mundane of activities (the sheer terror of sitting in the passenger seat of a car with the driver, being in any sort of vehicle near a driver (other than an anonymous public bus and train), being in country lanes and tracks, being in fields and smelling those smells (even though as an adult, I do adore the countryside), having to commit things to paper in any form (i.e. the Survey Map), ‘studying’ anything (i.e. records), in case I ‘get it wrong’, seeing the tools and the black waste buckets-like-mini-dustbins, deciding whether I have a right to take a break, having to use the bushes for the toilet (not for reasons of ‘vanity’), fearing that if I don’t work every second I will have to endure the traumatic events and the rejection once again……………….and so it goes!
I also suffer from a tendon disease and disability called Fibromyalgia, with Chronic Fatigue, the symptoms of these are chiefly triggered (in my case) by stress, and I have also been taught that I have to learn to ‘pace’ myself and my stresses and activities through every day…but it is SO HARD learning to recognize one’s own physical and emotional limits – and I was SO VERY Grateful that our leader imposed regular breaks in the day: I never want to take a break because I’m loving it so much anyway – and I don’t want to miss a second of this privileged position! – but it also eliminates that deep-seated ‘question’ about whether you are ‘doing well enough, pulling your weight in the Group’, it’s ‘ok’ and ‘you have the right’ to rest.. I go swimming twice a week (except during Dig fortnight), which helps prevent my weight escalating, and maintain my ‘flexibility.’…
I feel sick and shaky just writing this down – but the Dig and History experiences are one’s that I’ve dreamed of for so many years, and I wouldn’t miss them for the world. I have also only now been able to begin to formulate in my own mind, an understanding of what I have been experiencing. Today just felt like ‘the right’ day for me to start writing it all down. And I also realize that, in carrying on with this Project and Dig, I am not letting the nightmare people in my past, hold me back: they are not going to win!
While committing this to the Blog, I have also worried if this is the appropriate place to write this down…but after consideration, I think that perhaps this is the correct place, because the idea of the Project was to investigate the parallels within Mental Illness and History, throughout history: I am learning so much continually throughout the Project, and
I have so treasured this experience (Dig and History.), not just as subjects that fascinate me in their own rights – but because it’s been so wonderful meeting and working with such a broad range of people, with such fascinating and diverse knowledge and experience of life, working towards a common goal, and I feel I am learning all the time.
I miss being with you all among the cowpats but look forward to being with you at our next meeting on 29th September.
All my Loveywoosams to u all! XXX
Greetings, me fellow cow-pat huggers!